Granted - I am not the most motivated person in the whole world.
In fact it is safe to say that on the list of 'things i'd like to be doing', studying doesn't appear to be very high on the list. Somewhere just above yardwork, and perhaps a few below washing the car. But like those other things, I do it. Yet for some reason, when I sit down to take a test that I have studied for, it is as though I haven't sat in class for one day, took a single line of notes, or cracked a single book in preparation. Every semester it is the same. No matter how hard I study, it never translates to the test grade. It's been a serious source of frustration for me and is beginning to make me not want to bother trying so hard.
On the other hand - for me 'trying so hard' is probably one of the biggest overstatements known to man. I've never really known how to study and never really had good study habits, so for me - when I say trying so hard - it really means trying period.
I've never had a lot of discipline. However, i must say that being at seminary has instilled a good deal mroe than I have ever had before. Unfortunately that is not saying very much at all. Every year I seem to work harder, but at the same time the work I am doing is more difficult, therefore shutting down any chance at noticing any improvement.
And of course the fact that I am sitting here writing this blog post instead of studying for the recidulously hard final I will be taking on Monday (not to mention to two subsequent exams tuesday and wednesday) speaks volumes about how I feel about the whole endeavor as it stands.
I think my biggest problem, along with procrastination and wasting time (is that redundant?), is that I have no skill for synthesizing information. I find it absolutely impossible to take 3 months of information and somehow cram it all in my head in a way that keeps it there so that I can spit it all out onto my little blue test booklet.
Whatever - it doesn't matter how much I study. I'm going to sit down at these tests and my mind is going to go blank lke it always does and I will have to BS my way through a half assed answer in order to try to get a C and save my grade for the class. It happens every semester, twice a year - why should this time be any different?