It's hard to believe that in 24 hours I will lay my head down to sleep for the last time ever in my life as a non-parent. No matter what happens all the rest of the days of my existence, I will from Thursday (at approximately 11am) forward, be a parent. More specifically, a Father.
I think today for the first time it actually hit me that life is going to change rather drastically. I mean, it's quite strange. It's kind of like waiting for your 30th birthday, or I imagine your 40th or any other milestone day in your life. You are anticipating it, and it seems, at least from a distance, that it's going to be this huge thing, and you are never going to feel the same way again - but then they day comes, and while "things" certainly change; circumstances certainly change, you don't really *feel* any different.
I've been trying to temper my anxiety and excitement by thinking that way... However I do have a feeling that this will be decidedly different than any previous birthday or milestone. I've heard it said that it does change you - that when you see your child for the first time something really does happen. I'd like to believe that - that some kind of daddy pixie dust will sprinkle down and I will be able to be all I need to be for the wee one about to make its way into the world, or that some insta-father switch will go on and everything will just fall into place. Unfortunately I am too well versed in humanity to think that it will happen that way. Unfortunately for my daughter, I will have to bungle my way through this just like everything else...
But I am looking forward to that first moment. That first contact. Meeting her for the first time. It's absolutely mind blowing to think that you are about to meet the divine product of you and your wife. The genetic roll of the dice (sovereignly speaking) that will mix all my traits and hers into a whole other person. A person who will grow up to think and live and breath and move and have her being, so long as you remember to feed her and change her diaper once in awhile...
This is the coolest and strangest and most frightening thing that has ever happened to me. Yet in all of it's strangeness and scariness, the wonder and peace of it is so perfect, such a testament to the greatness of my God.
I think today for the first time it actually hit me that life is going to change rather drastically. I mean, it's quite strange. It's kind of like waiting for your 30th birthday, or I imagine your 40th or any other milestone day in your life. You are anticipating it, and it seems, at least from a distance, that it's going to be this huge thing, and you are never going to feel the same way again - but then they day comes, and while "things" certainly change; circumstances certainly change, you don't really *feel* any different.
I've been trying to temper my anxiety and excitement by thinking that way... However I do have a feeling that this will be decidedly different than any previous birthday or milestone. I've heard it said that it does change you - that when you see your child for the first time something really does happen. I'd like to believe that - that some kind of daddy pixie dust will sprinkle down and I will be able to be all I need to be for the wee one about to make its way into the world, or that some insta-father switch will go on and everything will just fall into place. Unfortunately I am too well versed in humanity to think that it will happen that way. Unfortunately for my daughter, I will have to bungle my way through this just like everything else...
But I am looking forward to that first moment. That first contact. Meeting her for the first time. It's absolutely mind blowing to think that you are about to meet the divine product of you and your wife. The genetic roll of the dice (sovereignly speaking) that will mix all my traits and hers into a whole other person. A person who will grow up to think and live and breath and move and have her being, so long as you remember to feed her and change her diaper once in awhile...
This is the coolest and strangest and most frightening thing that has ever happened to me. Yet in all of it's strangeness and scariness, the wonder and peace of it is so perfect, such a testament to the greatness of my God.
1 comment:
Greg & Natalie,
So exciting! I found you thru someone's blogroll (I forget who). We'll look forward to seeing pictures and hearing about parenthood!
Josh & Erin Simmons
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