Here we are, literally days away from having a new baby.
It's so weird to think about.
I'm not scared... unless I start thinking way into the future with teen years, and boys, and how many I will have to kill... stuff like that. You worry about protecting them from the world, but all that stuff comes later and it doesn't really enter into my mental equation just yet unless I force myself into it.
I'm not anxious... unless I force myself to consider all the unknowns that come with having a newborn, all the surprises that could come up. Toddler accidents, banging into things. But again, I'm not the type to dwell on what is not in front of me. So anxiety kind of goes out the window with me. Probably not so with my better half, which is actually for the best sometimes. I can tend to be a bit blase about most things, very 'take it as it comes', and she thinks ahead - granted, sometimes to a fault - but most of the time I need to hear her concerns and it helps balance me. But I'm not really anxious - not in a worrisome way anyway - but I am anxious to meet my baby girl.
I'm definitely ready... in the sense that I am ready for pregnancy to be over and ready to move on to the next step in this journey with my wife. I think she is too. Pregnancy has been hard on her, and it has been difficult for me to see her so uncomfortable for so long. But we are both ready for the new challenges, the new experiences that will come. Of course, that does not mean that we are *ready* for them, or equipped to deal with them. But we are definitely ready to find out.
And finally, I am very content. I don't like to use the word 'happy' because it's such an amorphous thing, and contentment, in my opinion, is such a better overall sentiment than happiness is anyway. Happiness is like sucking helium - everything is different for about 5 seconds, and then it's gone. Contentment is for the long haul, and while happiness is definitely in the mix with the baby coming, contentment is definitely where I am at. I am really looking forward to the relationship I will have with my daughter. I am looking forward to the family Natalie and I will be building by God's grace. And I am content in knowing that all that lies before us, and I want to take it as it comes.
Maybe in a few months I'll give an update on how I am feeling about being a Father when I actually and actively am one. And although I know, as many of my friends who are fathers have told me, that everything is about to change in a profound way - for now, it suits me just fine.